Lessons From My Season of Discouragement in Ministry
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“The Christmas push for pastors can easily lead to a post-Christmas emotional let-down.”
[The
Christmas push for pastors can easily lead to a post-Christmas
emotional let-down, a sort of post-adrenaline low. Combine this with the
challenges of a new year and, in some regions, seasonal depression with
gray days, and January can be a tough month for ministers. If any of
that describes you, take heart in this note of encouragement from
another pastor who has felt the same things.]
As a pastor, I have had two seasons during which I nearly gave up. In the first, it was my physical health—the diagnosis of a rare medical condition—that nearly took me out of the race.
The more difficult patch of discouragement, however, followed my most productive year of ministry. November of that year started an emotional low that lasted into February of the following year.
Ironically, God had allowed me to hit a number of high goals. My relationship with God was right; my motives were right. My family was healthy. Fruit was exploding all over the place, and I was morally pure. So I was baffled and confused as to why I felt deeply depressed and discouraged, to the point of barely being able to get out of bed.
That patch did not end in a matter of days, but rather of months. I was a senior pastor at the time. I had healthy staff and elders with whom I could share anything. And yet, I felt like Asaph in Psalm 73, when he is so discouraged he writes, “If I had spoken thus, I would have betrayed your children.” Translation: My thoughts and feelings are so discouraging, I don’t want to bring anyone else down with me. So, as a leader, I won’t share them and drag the group down.
I did share my fatigue and emptiness with my wife. She watched me get on my knees, night after night, during that stretch. Here are two lessons I learned in that dark night. Lessons I believe have saved the longevity of my ministry. I pass them along in hopes that they inject life and longevity into you and your ministry, too.
I began reading Living the Life You Were Meant to Live with a bit of suspicion. But, what I found was a scripturally-robust argument that changed my view of self and ministry. Paterson describes five domains of life:
-Family
-Church
-Vocation
-Community
-Personal
As a pastor, I have had two seasons during which I nearly gave up. In the first, it was my physical health—the diagnosis of a rare medical condition—that nearly took me out of the race.
The more difficult patch of discouragement, however, followed my most productive year of ministry. November of that year started an emotional low that lasted into February of the following year.
Ironically, God had allowed me to hit a number of high goals. My relationship with God was right; my motives were right. My family was healthy. Fruit was exploding all over the place, and I was morally pure. So I was baffled and confused as to why I felt deeply depressed and discouraged, to the point of barely being able to get out of bed.
That patch did not end in a matter of days, but rather of months. I was a senior pastor at the time. I had healthy staff and elders with whom I could share anything. And yet, I felt like Asaph in Psalm 73, when he is so discouraged he writes, “If I had spoken thus, I would have betrayed your children.” Translation: My thoughts and feelings are so discouraging, I don’t want to bring anyone else down with me. So, as a leader, I won’t share them and drag the group down.
I did share my fatigue and emptiness with my wife. She watched me get on my knees, night after night, during that stretch. Here are two lessons I learned in that dark night. Lessons I believe have saved the longevity of my ministry. I pass them along in hopes that they inject life and longevity into you and your ministry, too.
1. The Need for Personal Domain
During my four-month depression, God brought a book into my life, titled Living the Life You Were Meant to Live. Turns out the book’s author, Tom Paterson, coached Rick Warren before Purpose Driven was even written.I began reading Living the Life You Were Meant to Live with a bit of suspicion. But, what I found was a scripturally-robust argument that changed my view of self and ministry. Paterson describes five domains of life:
-Family
-Church
-Vocation
-Community
-Personal
Like the spokes on a wheel, a healthy life
will have equal investment into each of these five domains. I assessed.
My Family domain was healthy. Like many pastors, my Church domain
intertwined with my Vocation and Community domains, and all three of
those were healthy. My relationship with God was real, and I had
authentic community in my church family.
That’s when I realized that my “Personal” domain had become non-existent. In my effort to love God and others, I had completely abandoned any personal time that wasn’t leveraged for productivity. I used to hike, but had given it up to become more productive. I used to read Car and Driver magazine and tinker on my Toyota Land Cruiser, but had given those up for more spiritual pursuits, also.
It sounded silly to me, but Paterson’s (biblical) argument is that if God loves me, then I should love me (see Ephesians 5:29 & Mark 12:31). I had no healthy sense of self-love. And in neglecting healthy sleep and the healthy interests God wired me to enjoy, I had run myself into the ground. I had forced myself to work in a nonstop manner that I would never force on any other employee.
In obedience to God’s love for me as an individual, I assessed my weekly schedule to find space for “Personal Domain” as one component in a balanced life. That led me to my second ministry-saving lesson.
I had been running hard, attempting to do what some of these heroes of mine do. During my low time, I realized that some of the pastor-authors I emulated were manufactured brands, with entire teams who write their book content, manage their national exposure and, for some, teams who even write their sermons. I was trying to do all of this as one person, and bottom line, it was not feasible for me, nor was it my calling.
If I was going to regain healthy Personal Domain and run the ministry race as a marathon (rather than sprinting and burning out), I was going to have to acknowledge that my capacity is not the same as some of the people I was emulating.
I needed the humility to say to myself, “They may be able to do all that, but I cannot.”
That’s when I realized that my “Personal” domain had become non-existent. In my effort to love God and others, I had completely abandoned any personal time that wasn’t leveraged for productivity. I used to hike, but had given it up to become more productive. I used to read Car and Driver magazine and tinker on my Toyota Land Cruiser, but had given those up for more spiritual pursuits, also.
It sounded silly to me, but Paterson’s (biblical) argument is that if God loves me, then I should love me (see Ephesians 5:29 & Mark 12:31). I had no healthy sense of self-love. And in neglecting healthy sleep and the healthy interests God wired me to enjoy, I had run myself into the ground. I had forced myself to work in a nonstop manner that I would never force on any other employee.
In obedience to God’s love for me as an individual, I assessed my weekly schedule to find space for “Personal Domain” as one component in a balanced life. That led me to my second ministry-saving lesson.
2. The Pit of Emulation
Most of us pastors have ministry heroes. I personally had some national pastor-authors I wanted to be like. I think most of us have ministry role models. That can be a great source of inspiration and direction. But God showed me that I was trying to make my ministry look like someone else’s.I had been running hard, attempting to do what some of these heroes of mine do. During my low time, I realized that some of the pastor-authors I emulated were manufactured brands, with entire teams who write their book content, manage their national exposure and, for some, teams who even write their sermons. I was trying to do all of this as one person, and bottom line, it was not feasible for me, nor was it my calling.
If I was going to regain healthy Personal Domain and run the ministry race as a marathon (rather than sprinting and burning out), I was going to have to acknowledge that my capacity is not the same as some of the people I was emulating.
I needed the humility to say to myself, “They may be able to do all that, but I cannot.”
To crawl out of “the pit of emulation,” I had
to release my ambitions that my ministry would ever look like
so-and-so’s. David refused to wear Saul’s armor before battling Goliath,
and I needed to cast aside the armor of other warriors if I was going
to last in battle.
I had to acknowledge the capacity God has given me—physically and in family dynamics. Then, I had to surrender to the capacity God has given me. This tied back into Lesson #1, adopting God’s love toward me. A person who doesn’t believe they are loved will never stop over-working to earn approval.
Positively stated, I can admit my limited capacity when I love myself as God loves me, because my value is no longer dependent on performance or achievement.
In 2 Corinthians 12 Paul writes, “When I am weak, then I am strong.” As I invited God into my weaknesses, discouragement, fatigue and limited capacity, He showed me that He will bear the fruit He has planned for my life. Even if it doesn’t look like the plan He may have for people I admire.
Paul the Apostle discovered that when he was weakest, God’s strength most worked through him. I am beginning to discover the same truth as I bring God my fatigue, inadequacy and limited capacity.
Will you join me in discovering the same truth in your own limitations?
Download free chapters from John’s new book, I Am Strong: Finding God’s Peace and Strength in Life’s Darkest Moments. here or order the book, here.
I had to acknowledge the capacity God has given me—physically and in family dynamics. Then, I had to surrender to the capacity God has given me. This tied back into Lesson #1, adopting God’s love toward me. A person who doesn’t believe they are loved will never stop over-working to earn approval.
Positively stated, I can admit my limited capacity when I love myself as God loves me, because my value is no longer dependent on performance or achievement.
In 2 Corinthians 12 Paul writes, “When I am weak, then I am strong.” As I invited God into my weaknesses, discouragement, fatigue and limited capacity, He showed me that He will bear the fruit He has planned for my life. Even if it doesn’t look like the plan He may have for people I admire.
Paul the Apostle discovered that when he was weakest, God’s strength most worked through him. I am beginning to discover the same truth as I bring God my fatigue, inadequacy and limited capacity.
Will you join me in discovering the same truth in your own limitations?
Download free chapters from John’s new book, I Am Strong: Finding God’s Peace and Strength in Life’s Darkest Moments. here or order the book, here.
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