Appreciating Your Wife’s Unique Lifestyle

June 29, 2015

by Jamaal Williams
I was on my wife’s list of the type of man not to marry! Why? It was simply because I became a pastor. On her list were professional athletes, firemen, police officers and soldiers. My wife wasn’t anti-patriotic or unappreciative of entertainers and heroic men who serve this country. However, when she first compiled this list as a teenager she didn’t want to marry men in those professions because of the dangers involved and the time away from home.
After being married for six years this July and being a pastor’s wife from day one, her mind has changed. She embraced the challenge and found pastoring to be far different than what she expected. However, as you know, pastoring is dangerous and can be very demanding. That’s why I believe we must take time to meditate not just on our own pastoring but on the incredible responsibilities that most pastors’ wives have each week.
Our wives should be celebrated and deeply loved because it takes a Proverbs-31, Holy Spirit-filled woman to live with men who have been called to pastoral leadership.
Here are five quick reasons why we must encourage and appreciate our wives:

1. Her friendships are often complicated.

Mature friendships are relationships that allow both persons to vent and completely relax. Many pastors’ wives don’t have people around them to whom they can completely express themselves. Our wives are often friends to many without having many close friends. Yes, your wife might be close to women at the church, but she is probably not as close as she would be to them if they were non-members. Being close to women in the church often limits their expression of things they’re thinking through or struggles they may be having with you. Also, many pastors lead churches away from where their wife’s family and close friends are, which strains friendships she might have built over many years. We must be sensitive to our wife’s struggle to be vulnerable with the women God placed around her, and pray that God would bring replenishing women around her that she can share freely with.

2. She shares her husband’s time.
Let’s face it: Pastoring isn’t like working your average nine-to-five. No matter how hard our boundaries and how disciplined we are to unplug when we get home, work seems to find its way next to our ear and in our living room. Some pastors serve with other elders and deacons who can absorb emergencies, and that’s great! But the average pastor doesn’t. This means that his wife and family will need to make adjustments and give up time that would normally be spent with them. For a pastor’s wife, sharing her husband’s time takes patience and dedication. We must be mindful of this challenge and plan our week well in order to maximize time with our wife.

3. She sees her husband/pastor at his worst.
Even the Godliest of men have had bouts of depression, deep insecurity, and spiritual apathy. Another reason that we should deeply appreciate our wives is that they have a front row seat during these times in our lives. I imagine that most pastors reading this post have wives who are supportive and gracious during these times and don’t use their shortcomings to hurt them. In fact, if she’s a good wife, she sees you as her pastor and, of course, her favorite preacher, regardless!

4. She is a sought-after counselor.
Pastors’ wives often end up being one of the church’s most sought- after counselors. After all, some people think, “She has the kids dressed well each Sunday, she’s always smiling, and her husband paints her in a positive light for sermon illustrations. She’s clearly competent to counsel, plus it may be a few days before her husband can meet with me.” The counseling our wives do isn’t the formal meet-me-in-my-office counseling. Rather, it happens in the pews, at the church nursery, and while grocery shopping.

5. She is a compassionate mother.
As robust as this list may seem, it’s incomplete without acknowledging that a pastor’s wife does all of the above while often being a mother. Even for the pastor’s wife who doesn’t have children of her own, she still is mothering other children in the church. Every week I’m reminded of my wife’s giftedness when I’m home alone with our three children under four while she takes a break. Most times I am watching my clock in hopeful expectation, ready for her arrival back home.

Praise God that your wife, amidst the business of your ministry and life, is deeply in tune with the micro- and macro needs of your children.
Pastor, let’s make sure we take time to appreciate the weight and responsibility our wives carry. Take time this evening and let her know you appreciate her by rubbing her feet, treating her to her favorite dessert, or writing her a sweet note. After all, this may not be the life that she originally had in mind.

Filed Under: Helpful Articles: Married To A Pastor