5 Ministers Who Are Better at This Than You

By Kendall Miller

“I’m here now, the rest of you can just go ahead and go home.”

A bit of a humorous take on the comparison game pastors play and the sorts of ministers that are better than you.
I’ve been in ministry for 10 years now all over the world, and while there are many things that vary based on where you’re serving and the kind of ministry you’re doing, there is one thing that you can always count on—someone is doing it better than you. I’ve used the latest research methods and statistical formulas to narrow these people to the following categories:

1. The New Guy

This minister just got to town a few months ago and is gung-ho about everything. He’s easily irritated because he was the top of his class at seminary and sees quickly why everyone in your area isn’t already a Christian—you’ve been doing it wrong!
The new guy has read the latest book about a new methodology, which, if followed to the letter, will create incredible movements. The old weathered ministers would be much better at what they’re doing if they’d just get with the times. The newest research shows this method is proven to work in New York, Africa, Asia, the Middle East and even among some unique groupings of bacteria on Mars.
God called him to this place, he’s certain of it, and it must be because God is going to use him for great things—like successfully evangelizing the whole place by Thanksgiving.
Motto: “I’m here now, the rest of you can just go ahead and go home.”

2. The Guy Serving in a Tough Place

Whether this is somewhere in downtown Detroit, in a spider-ridden grass hut in Africa, or among the anti-airconditioning-cannibals-of-that-really-hot-island-in-the-Pacific, this minister has it worse than you. He wants to tell you about his ministry, but he wants to tell you much more about how bad the toilet situation is where he lives. He has incredible stories of dangerous situations, insane people who were changed through his ministry, and how his family has suffered as a result of their calling.
Even if you were nearly killed last month because you were preaching the gospel someplace dangerous, that’s nothing compared to his experience, last month he was nearly killed five times.
Motto: “I used to dream of being able to do ministry in a place as comfortable as where you live.”

3. The Guy Just Passing Through to Go Serve in a Tough Place

“Which of the 850 languages in Papua New Guinea are you here to learn?” he asks you when he first arrives.
Your response is one of confusion, “This is Houston, what do you mean?”
“Oh, I just figured, as a minister, you were probably only in a place this comfortable for a few years to learn a language at one of the local universities and then be sent out. I’m sorry. So wait, which people group do you serve?”
“Americans.”
He looks disappointed and clearly confused. “Oh. I see,” is all he can manage.
Motto: “I’m getting ready to go do the real work, but what you’re doing here is all right too, I guess.”

4. Your Boss Who Has Been on a Committee for 10 Years and Just Discovered This One Weird Trick That Has Doubled the Size of Churches in Your Area in Just a Month’s Time!

This guy knows what he’s talking about—he told me himself. It’s probably best for you to just get on board and give up on your ideas of being faithful to what the Lord has called you to do. If it’s worked for all these other churches in your area, clearly there is something to it. Besides, you might get fired if you don’t drop what you’ve been working on and do this, right now.
Motto: “Reports show that among those who implemented this, 50 percent of the time, it’s worked every time.”

5. The Guy Who Actually IS Doing a Better Job Than You

This minister is humbly doing what the Lord has called him to do, and he’s done it faithfully for a long time. He has persisted through times of seeing disappointingly little fruit as well as outrageous harvest.
This minister is calmly accepting of you, encourages you and challenges you to be like Christ even if you’re one of the previous four people. You probably have never heard of him, but when you meet him, you want to be just like him.  

Kendall Miller spent most of the last 10 years working as a missionary in the Far East. Now he's desperately trying to quit. Unfortunately he's finding, almost like an addiction, he can't stop doing ministry—or at least can't stop sarcastically ranting about it to others. Kendall's blog can be found at theologer.com. More from Kendall Miller or visit Kendall at http://www.theologer.com