Facing Your Board with a Difficulty

May 22, 2015

By Kevin Conklin
Every pastor I know has the double-edged sword of having an elder board or executive board, or whatever it is called in your church. It’s double-edged because on the one hand they should be there to support, encourage, and keep watch in prayer over you. But it’s probably just as true that this same board may have the authority to fire you, give you a poor performance review, etc. So, when it comes to having to go to your board with tough personal or professional information, it can be a really hard call. I’d like to share a very personal and difficult story that may encourage and help you in whatever you might be facing now or in the future.
Several years ago, I went through a very personal tragic situation, and as a part of my sabbatical, the elder board decided to be proactive, maybe a little more than I wanted them to. They sent me to another state to see a professional Christian counselor who specialized in pastors/missionaries. One of our other staff had gone and thought it would be good for me to go as well. I didn’t exactly go voluntarily. I filled out some paper work ahead of time that would let the counselor know why I was coming for two weeks. I really couldn’t think of a good reason. I thought I had healed pretty well from my tough ordeal. Apparently, I wasn’t fooling our board and staff. So, at the appointed time, I got on a plane, rented a car, and went to the city where I was to meet with the counselor. In the mornings I went to group therapy, and in the afternoon I met with him one on one. He was quite gifted. He got through to some deep wounds and past history that I didn’t think had affected me. The bottom line words to me went something like this:

“Kevin, you remind me of Teflon. You always seem upbeat and happy, and no one can be like that all of the time. It seems when difficult things happen to you, you don’t let them stick, they slide off like eggs on a Teflon pan.”

He was right. Then, he hit me right where it counted. My heart.

“Kevin, everyone around you who knows you loves you, but they also know you are not okay. Until you are okay with not being okay, you will never be okay.”

I was faced with going back to our elder board and giving a report. What board wants to hear from one of their pastors that they are not okay? I felt sub-standard, wounded, and exposed. What do I tell them?
I did the most courageous and right thing I knew I had to do. Tell them the truth. As I sat in front of them, I was fearful of being let go as “damaged goods.” I only knew how to be a pastor, and who would hire me knowing I was damaged goods? But, if I was going to get better I knew that I needed to tell them what I learned. As I told them, I wept. And they wept. They wept because they loved me and wanted me to be healed and whole, and they knew what I had just told them was the first step. What grace! What love! What freedom! I wasn’t exactly sure what new steps I needed to take. After all, not everyone in the church would be okay with me not being okay. Some might even press the board to let me go because who wants a pastor who is not okay?
I am not sure what your issue is, but I’m pretty sure you have at least one. If you don’t sense the freedom to share this issue with your board, what could be the fallout to you personally? If you do share the tough news, there could be fallout, but do you really have a choice when your life matters so much? I want to encourage you to have the freedom to make sure you place some men in your life who…. LOVE YOU MOST, KNOW YOU BEST, and are WILLING TO SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE TO YOU. Without these people you could very easily end up on the casualty list, or live with something in you that will keep you from being fully alive, fully effective, and fully free.
I know that this may be hard to read knowing the possible consequences could be life-altering. We have an amazing Pastoral Counseling Team here at Focus on the Family. It’s confidential, and at the very least they can help with prayer and Godly advice and offer a referral. I pray that you have the courage you need to have some men in your life that can speak the truth in love to you, offer insight, wisdom, love, prayer, and support so you can be healed and whole!
Copyright © 2015 by Kevin Conklin. Used by permission.
Kevin Conklin is the Life Groups Pastor at Southbrook Church near Charlotte, North Carolina. He also oversee’s a great team of Marriage Mentors and the Prayer Ministry of the Church. Kevin is married to his best friend Karyn Joy.