14 Ways to Handle a Christian INTROVERT

14 Ways to Handle a Christian INTROVERT

By J.S. Park If you ever met me, you would think I was an extrovert—I preach, I lead praise, I talk to everyone, I talk too much and you can hear me laughing from across the street—but I am a full-blooded introvert.
If it were up to me, I’d rather be in my boxers all day eating Godiva while browsing food photo blogs and bothering my dog and cracking up at YouTube videos of Whose Line Is It Anyway and leaving dry ironic comments all over Facebook while reading the latest theory on how Sherlock survived the second season finale. 
I intensely guard my personal space and my private life. It takes a herculean effort to step outside my comfort zone and interact with messy, fleshy, real live human beings.
Here’s how you handle us.
1) In a small group or Bible study or cell meeting, do NOT make us talk.
Introverts are much more methodical and tend to process things. In a group discussion, our silence doesn’t mean we’re not listening. We’re just trying to fit the pieces together in our own head. We aim to be thoughtful and deliberate. Please be sensitive to our secret mind palace. We’ll talk when we dang well feel like it.
2) We just don’t sing like the front row.
It’s great that extroverts can freely express themselves during worship time. But introverts sometimes just read the lyrics, connect inwardly and keep their hands inside the vehicle. If you see us raising even one hand and singing a few words, we are seriously pushing the gas pedal all the way to the floor.
3) Do not ever rebuke us in public.
Or you and I are done. Forever. You should never do this anyway.
4) Extroverts: Be patient in conversation and don’t treat my every word like your personal victory.
Extroverts, it’s OK if you monopolize the conversation. We do like to listen. But please don’t treat us like your personal project with a precious pearl inside. And don’t try to squeeze out my life story as if you’re trying to save me. Earn trust by being a friend first. Unlike extroverts, we’re not good at being best friends on the first day.
5) Fellow introverts: Find us quickly.
See me standing awkwardly on the side of the sanctuary watching everyone else have fun? Hurry up and find me so we can make amusing sarcastic comments about life and possibly grow a lifelong spiritual bond that these extroverts can’t understand.
6) We can do anything an extrovert can do.
I’ve seen an entire spectrum of personalities take the “front stage” of church. Not every introvert is meant for “behind the scenes.” Just coach us with extra grace.
7) We get super-tired around a lot of people.
My limit is about four hours, and then I actually get a headache from just hanging around human beings. My Sabbath rest is leave-me-alone-time with my non-judgmental dog. Give us that time without trying to counsel us about it.
8) Don’t be offended if we don’t reply right away.
Sometimes when we see a Facebook invite to that next big church event, we just let it sit there and think about it periodically throughout the week and then come back to it before committing. We do the same thing with text messages, emails, phone calls and you showing up at the door.
9) Don’t be offended if you see me being extra talkative or friendly with someone else.
Sometimes introverts just interact with people in different ways. It doesn’t mean we don’t like you: It just means we choose to reveal that specific part of us to another pastor, another church buddy or that cool introvert I just met five minutes ago. You should be cheering us for even opening up at all.
10) Please do NOT bring a lot of attention to us.
Not in the church bulletin, not the church site, not for my birthdays, not for that nice thing I did for the homeless—just please, no spotlight.
11) Sometimes we’re just moody. It’s not depression or a “spiritual attack” or “unconfessed sin.”
One word: space. Lots of it.
12) We don’t always know what to say, but we still care about you.
We use less words and we don’t always use them well, but if we chose to spend this time with you, that means we care.
13) When life gets hard, you don’t have to say anything. Just be there.
Sometimes we just get totally flustered and want to give up: But that’s not the time for lectures or theology or super-awesome advice. Bring a movie or something; bake a cake; bring cookies. Be there for the meltdown and we’ll eventually ask for the wisdom. We very much treasure your scalpel-like gentleness with us.
14) When we get hyper, we are weird and corny and loud and awkward—so be ready for that and embrace it.
On the third day of a church retreat or when it’s five in the morning at a lock-in, the inner-beast might be unleashed. But it’s not very cool and calculated and witty like an extrovert. It’s all kinds of nerdy and neurotic with a shaky voice and twitchy flailing, as if we’re learning to use our bodies for the first time: And in a sense, we are.
When that happens, please don’t humiliate us. Roll with it, laugh with us, and endure our horrible dance moves and bad impressions.
If you do, we are loyal to you for life.

Innovate: Do You Know the One Thing MORE Important Than Strategy?

Innovate: Do You Know the One Thing MORE Important Than Strategy?

By Charles Lee Strategy is a foundational element for any successful idea-making process.
It sets the course for idea implementation and aligns the participants toward a common goal. It’s no wonder that so many leaders spend countless hours developing it, refining it and articulating it. Strategy matters.

A Strategy-Driven Blind Spot

Whenever strategy is crowned as king of an organization, there’s a propensity within leadership to quickly lose sight of the people that ultimately determine the success or failure of any project. Yes, people trump strategy. Over the past 25 years of working with companies and organizations, I’ve seen time and time again how people become the x-factor for the success or failure of any great strategy. People matter (more than strategy).

Pay Attention to People

It sounds so obvious, but it is far too commonly ignored. People ultimately determine the success of any plan. As a leader, pay attention to your team. Here are some friendly reminders on how we can all stay better connected with our respective teams:
1. Listen often. Take time regularly to pause and listen to the ideas and insights of your team members about the strategy they’re implementing. Don’t be defensive. Stay open, listen proactively and take lots of notes.
2. Identify uniqueness. Each team member works differently. Resist the urge to group everyone into one style of teamwork. Some may need more autonomy while others need more collaboration. Some may want more documentation while others just need a basic guideline. Keep in mind that wisdom usually lives in between two extremes. Work hard toward what works and what doesn’t for your team. Viewing a team as an eclectic mix of unique individuals is probably closer to reality than we think.
3. Facilitate tension. Significant projects are bound to create tension within your team. It’s normal and should be expected. When timelines, milestones and objectives are regularly a part of the conversation, it will create unforeseen tension. Don’t sweep tension underneath the rug. That’s the worse thing you could do. Encourage and facilitate face-to-face (not email) conversations about how team members are feeling about the project and how others on the team are working with them. As awkward as it may feel, it’s necessary to air things out in moments of great tension.
4. Celebrate progress. You don’t have to wait until the completion of a project to celebrate. Set some milestones within the project that become short-term celebration goals for the team. It may be as simple as taking the team out for lunch or taking a few hours just to hang and create a shared experience that can bring life back into a project. Acknowledge the work of others and make sure they feel appreciated along the way for their involvement.
5. Stay flexible and fight for what matters. Change is inevitable in strategy implementation. Be sure to discern whether or not you’re fighting for what ultimately matters. Leaders sometimes make a big deal out of a small point (sometimes simply to get on a power trip). Remember, you may win the battle with a team member but lose the war for the project if you lose track of priorities. It’s OK for things to change along the way. That’s the nature of strategy during implementation.
Remember, strategy doesn’t live in a vacuum. Never lose sight of the people who steward the ideas to bring them to life.

Jesus Never Set Goals. He Did This Instead.

Jesus Never Set Goals. He Did This Instead.

By Neal Samudre Goals used to be my best friend. I would chart them out for the next day, write them down again in the morning, and then spend the rest of my day hacking away at the tasks on my list, one-by-one.
Sounds sexy, right?
Our culture is into setting goals now. For a brief time, I too was obsessed with this intentional culture. We, as people who love goals, flock to those who have mysteriously turned their life around by following their bucket lists. We love our goals—from the way they make us look to how they make us feel (when they’re accomplished that is).
But now, I doubt my goal setting did much for my productivity.
I’ve been helping many people set effective goals, but if I’m honest, I don’t set that many goals anymore. What I do instead is build effective habits and systems, and see where they take me.
The truth is, there is a greater advantage to building a habit than there is to setting a goal. Knowing this advantage might line you up for continual success rather than the ephemeral thrill of accomplishing goals.

Jesus Didn’t Set Goals

During my time of obsessive goal setting, I was shocked to see that Jesus never set goals. He never woke up in the morning and said, “OK, I’m going to heal 30 people today.” There was no quota or list He had to meet.
So can we still say Jesus was intentional?
Of course we can. In fact, the way we see Him lead His life and perform His actions are very intentional. The difference, though, is that He didn’t do much planning—not like we do today at least.
Jesus wasn’t goal-minded; He was mission-minded. And the mission of Jesus was full of healthy habits, not achievable goals.
He had the habit of following teaching with action. He had the habit of adhering to His mission no matter what. He had the habit of affirming the disciples in their faults. All these habits led to an effective system.
Systems are the actions you set forth by habit. For instance, you can have a goal of becoming an A-student, but the system in doing this is building a habit of studying every day between 5 and 8. If you build the habit and system, the results will eventually come. You don’t need to set a goal.
In fact, Jesus never set goals. Instead, He focused on the systems He had in place—things such as healing in each town, equipping the disciples and teaching in public places. These were habits that moved together, like gears in a machine, to form an effective system.
What’s Wrong With Goals?
The reason I became disenchanted with goal setting was largely because I felt controlled by my list. It had way too much pull on my emotional state. Whenever I couldn’t cross a goal off my list, I felt guilty about it. Not only that, but I also felt disappointment whenever a goal didn’t go as I would’ve planned.
So I ditched my goals.
In my time away from goals, I stopped measuring my days, and it was relieving. I instead poured my efforts into building healthy work habits that would result in highly effective systems.
I built a habit of writing each morning from 5 to 7. I added more time by reworking my habit of checking my smart phone. I made the habit to look for inspiring content each morning. All these added together placed me in a system where I kept creating. Goals wouldn’t have done that.
Here are some other things I learned about goal setting:

1. Goals limit possibilities.

When you build a system, a number of things can arise out of it. But when you have a goal, you’re not going to be happy unless you accomplish it and move on. Expand your possibilities with systems.

2. Goals are more short-term.

Systems set you up to continually find success. Goals, however, give you a short-term success that eventually fades.

3. Goals are about being disciplined for a long period of time. Systems are about being disciplined only long enough to build a habit out of something.

This is why so many people burnout from their goals. They try to be hyper-focused all the time to accomplish them. And then, they give up. Systems, however, only require you to be disciplined for a brief amount of time, until you establish a habit.

4. Goals eventually end. Systems keep you doing.

Once you accomplish a goal, you can either stop, or plan another goal. It gives you a brief victory. On the other side, you never really stop once you have a system in place. You instead keep working, which is really what any endeavor needs for success—continual work and commitment.

What’s Next?

Goals have a short battery life. They can help you, but they’re not the example we have for living a meaningful life. An effective life is one with the right systems in place, not one that pursued the right goals.
My habits are what’s keeping me productive now—not my goals. I never once doubted my decision to focus on habits. I hope you can say the same thing for your productivity.

The Whisper That Made Me Leave My Church

By Tod Bolsinger

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Our goal is nothing less than turning that plaintive whisper into a grateful word of confidence.

It was the whisper that made me leave my church.
It was the one line that I heard over and over again in the five years that I traveled across the country, first in leading a commission for my denomination and then as a consultant in organizational change.

“Why didn’t seminary prepare me for this?”

I would hear that line echoed in my mind long after each conversation was over. I had a sense that it was going to be shaping my future call. I even wrote a blog post about it in December 2012.
And then a year after I wrote the blog post, I was invited to do something about it. I had already discerned that my next step in ministry was to invest in leadership development for the mission of Christ. I had already announced to my congregation that I would be leaving in the near future to respond to this voice. I had used my sabbatical to work on a book on leadership in “uncharted territory.” I didn’t know where this would lead, but this much was clear:
The world is changing. Rapidly.
Businesses, universities and organizations are being forced to adapt as the old rules and expectations are being cast aside. And now the church realizes the same. For generations, would-be pastors and Christian leaders were all prepared for ministry in the same way, with the same set of expectations. Seminaries gave you the “tools,” and you would quickly find a “calling” in which to use them. And for decades, there were more positions to fill than qualified people to fill them.
Not today. Today, churches are closing, ministries are downsizing, Christian organizations and denominations are looking to the seminary to produce leaders that can integrate their academic learning with wisdom, resilience and deep spiritual maturity. The Christian leaders of today and tomorrow must be more than theologically educated, they must be personally, spiritually, academically and globally formed with the leadership creativity and missional savvy to develop ministry in arenas that are increasingly resistant to the Gospel. Often bivocational, increasingly working in churches that are in need of a “turn around,” the pastor of today is more like a missionary than a chaplain, more like an entrepreneur than a shopkeeper. And the mission of God needs equipped leaders that go far beyond pulpits and pastors’ studies into a myriad of places and settings.
Unfortunately, most seminaries are still equipping students for the church of a generation ago.
But while sitting in the Newark Airport last fall, newly appointed Fuller Theological Seminary President Mark Labberton told me of a significant change taking place at his school. It’s the kind of change that most people say never happens.
The Fuller Faculty changed the curriculum.
Mark told me how the faculty commissioned a team to do an in-depth study, including listening to their students and alumni. And they heard them loud and clear. The students told them that they loved the Seminary but feared the future. The Alumni told the study team that for the church to be relevant in the world, the seminaries must be willing to change the way they prepare Christian leaders for that world.
This team listened and got to work. And when their report came back, the Faculty—that tenured group of highly regarded experts who have everything to lose and little to gain—set aside their well-earned privilege and security to retool the entire project of theological education.
In the fall of 2014, Fuller Seminary will inaugurate a new day in theological education. After listening deeply, doing extensive research and conducting their own experiments on the integration of theological education and Christian spiritual formation, they concluded that for the unchanging grace and love of God to be made manifest in this rapidly changing world, the church needs leaders capable of serving with wisdom, deep spirituality and creative, agile leadership.
To do that, the study team revised the entire curriculum to be—from start to finish—as formational as educational; as committed to the vocational development and spiritual formation of their students as they are to their academic and theological education. And today, Fuller Seminary is in the midst of a whole-scale reorganization that puts the formation of Kingdom vocations at the center of the entire institutional life.
And this is where my life got interrupted. This is where the whisper of my pastor friends and clients became the call of God on my life.
To support the new curriculum to accomplish all that they envision, President Labberton and the Board of Trustees established a new division within Fuller Theological Seminary, led by a Vice President for Vocation and Formation. This division will have the charge of creating one seamlessly integrated organizational culture that forms Kingdom vocations in a changing world. They are declaring to everyone who is looking to be equipped for this world: “From the moment you visit our website to the moment you go to glory, you will always be part of a learning community forming you to live out your calling for God’s mission in the world. “
In January, I was appointed to this new position. Since March, I have been working part-time at Fuller while I finish up with my beloved congregation. In the days ahead, I will be learning and writing and collaborating with a team of people to reshape the entire process of theological formation.

Our goal is nothing less than turning that plaintive whisper into a grateful word of confidence. Someday soon, we want to hear Christian leaders in a changing world declare:

“Yes, the world is changing. But by God’s grace, I was prepared for such a time as this.”

Peaches in Paradise—Why I Loved Elisabeth Elliot

By John Piper

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“Just like Jesus, and Jim Elliot, she called young people to come and die.”

At 6:15 this morning, Elisabeth Elliot died. It is a blunt sentence for a blunt woman. This is near the top of why I felt such an affection and admiration for her.
Blunt—not ungracious, not impetuous, not snappy or gruff. But direct, unsentimental, no-nonsense, tell-it-like-it-is, no whining allowed. Just pull your britches on and go die for Jesus—like Mary Slessor and Gladys Aylward and Amy Carmichael and Gertrude Ras Egede and Eleanor Macomber and Lottie Moon and Roslind Goforth and Malla Moe, to name a few whom she admired.
Her first husband, Jim Elliot, was one of the five missionaries speared to death by the Huaorani Indians in Ecuador in 1956. Elisabeth immortalized that moment in mission history with three books, Through Gates of Splendor, Shadow of the Almighty and The Savage My Kinsman, and established her voice for the cause of Christian missions and Christian womanhood and Christian purity in more than 20 other books, and 40 years of hard-hitting conference speaking.

Her Suffering

She was not just gutsy with her words. Their daughter was 10 months old when Jim was killed. Elisabeth stayed on, working at first with the Quichua, but then, astonishingly, for two more years with the very tribe that had speared her husband.
In July 1997, I wrote this in my journal:
This morning, as I jogged and listened to a message by Elisabeth Elliot which she had given in Kansas City, I was deeply moved concerning my own inability to suffer magnanimously and without pouting. She was vintage Elliot and the message was the same as ever: Don’t get in touch with your feelings, submit radically to God, and do what is right no matter what. Put your love life on the altar and keep it there until God takes it off. Suffering is normal. Have you no scars, no wounds, with Jesus on the Calvary road?
Just like Jesus, and Jim Elliot, she called young people to come and die. Sacrifice and suffering were woven through her writing and speaking like a scarlet thread. She was not a romantic about missions. She disliked very much the sentimentalizing of discipleship.
We all know that missionaries don’t go, they “go forth,” they don’t walk, they “tread the burning sands,” they don’t die, they “lay down their lives.” But the work gets done even if it is sentimentalized! (The Gatekeeper)
The thread of suffering was not just woven through her words, but through her relationships. Not only did she lose her first husband to a violent death three years after they were married; she also lost her second husband, Addison Leitch, four years after her remarriage.
Now it’s time to reveal a little secret. For 17 years, I have from time to time spoken of a certain woman on a panel with me about the topic of world missions. This woman had heard me speak on Christian Hedonism. So on the panel she said, “I don’t think you should say, ‘Pursue joy with all your might.’ I think you should say, ‘Pursue obedience with all your might.’” To this I responded, “But that’s like saying, ‘Don’t pursue peaches with all your might, pursue fruit.’”
Well, that was Elisabeth Elliot and the panel was at Caister (the EFIC summer gathering) on the east coast of England. She was allergic to anything that smacked of mushy, mawkish, sentimentalistic emotionalism. Amen, Elisabeth! O how I loved sparring with someone I could not have felt more in tune with.

Her Womanhood

And then there was her tough take on feminism and her magnificent vision of sexual complementarity. When Wayne Grudem and I looked around 30 years ago for articulate, strong, female complementarian voices to include in our book Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, she was at the top of the list. But the list was not long.
Partly because of her voice, that list today would be so long we would not know where to stop. I love her for this influence. Her chapter in our book is called “The Essence of Femininity: A Personal Perspective.” The title is intentionally (and typically) provocative. She was already seeing with the eyes of a prophetess.
Christian higher education, trotting happily along in the train of feminist crusaders, is willing and eager to treat the subject of feminism, but gags on the word femininity. Maybe it regards the subject as trivial or unworthy of academic inquiry. Maybe the real reason is that its basic premise is feminism. Therefore it simply cannot cope with femininity. (395–396)
She spoke, on the one hand, “from the vantage point of the ‘peasants’ in the Stone-Age culture where I once lived” (395), and on the other hand from a sophisticated vision of how the universe is put together:
What I have to say is not validated by my having a graduate degree or a position on the faculty or administration of an institution of higher learning. … Instead, it is what I see as the arrangement of the universe and the full harmony and tone of Scripture. This arrangement is a glorious hierarchical order of graduated splendor, beginning with the Trinity descending through seraphim, cherubim, archangels, angels, men and all lesser creatures, a mighty universal dance, choreographed for the perfection and fulfillment of each participant. (394)
When we deal with masculinity and femininity, we are dealing with the “live and awful shadows of realities utterly beyond our control and largely beyond our direct knowledge,” as Lewis puts it. (397)
A Christian woman’s true freedom [and, of course, she would also say a Christian man’s true freedom] lies on the other side of a very small gate—humble obedience—but that gate leads out into a largeness of life undreamed of by the liberators of the world, to a place where the God-given differentiation between the sexes is not obfuscated but celebrated, where our inequalities are seen as essential to the image of God, for it is in male and female, in male as male and female as female, not as two identical and interchangeable halves, that the image is manifested. (399)

Her Teeth

Finally, I loved her because she never got her teeth fixed. I would still love her if she had gotten a dental makeover to pull her two front teeth together. But she didn’t. Am I ending on a silly note? You judge.
She was captured by Christ. She was not her own. She was supremely mastered, not by any ordinary man, but by the King of the universe. He had told her,
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious … and do not fear anything that is frightening. (1 Peter 3:3–6)
Whether it was the spears of the Ecuadorian jungle or the standards of American glamor, she would not be cowed. “Do not fear anything that is frightening.” That is the mark of a daughter of Abraham. And in our culture one of the most frightening things women face is not having the right figure, the right hair, the right clothes—or the right teeth. Elisabeth Elliot was free from that bondage.
Finally, she wrote, “We are women, and my plea is Let me be a woman, holy through and through, asking for nothing but what God wants to give me, receiving with both hands and with all my heart whatever that is” (398).
That prayer was answered spectacularly this morning at 6:15. For her, from now on all fruit is peaches. I am eager to join her.  

10 Signs You May Need to Take a Day Off

By Chuck Lawless

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Here are some signs you need to consider as warnings that it’s time to take a day off.

Frankly, this is one blog post I’m writing for myself more than any other reader. Too many people I know—beginning with me—work many days without taking a day off. Based on my own study and conversations with others, here are some signs I need to consider as warnings that it’s time to take a day off.
1. You haven’t had a day off in a month. I’m learning that there’s nothing godly about workaholism. In fact, it’s idolatry.
2. You dread going to work because you know the work won’t be finished at the end of the day. If you start the day defeated, you probably need to take a break. Daily defeat won’t lead to victory.
3. Others comment on your fatigue. Sometimes we’re the last ones to recognize the fatigue in our face, but we seldom hide it from others. If others are commenting on your fatigue, it’s probably worse than you’ll want to admit.
4. Your family doesn’t like you anymore. Obviously, I’m being somewhat facetious—but not entirely. When we take out our stress and fatigue on others, we need to take a break.
5. You don’t laugh any more at work. Laughter is evidence of some level of fun. If you used to laugh at work but no longer do, the strain will catch up with you. Take a day off and get away.
6. You haven’t experienced anything new in months. I’m talking about anything new—a new adventure, a new movie, a new walking trail, a new restaurant, etc. We often don’t experience anything new because we’re stuck continually in doing the old.
7. Nobody else around you seems to be having fun. Especially if you’re a leader, your co-workers will pick up cues from you. If nobody’s having fun around you any more, it’s quite possible you’re the problem. Step away from the strain for a day.
8. Your eating and workout habits are going downhill. Our physical health is at times one of the first visible signs that our life is out of balance. Even if you get all your work done, but at the expense of your health, you haven’t ultimately helped anybody.
9. Illnesses are recurrent. Overcoming an illness usually demands rest and sleep. Both of those require taking the time to do so.
10. You no longer thank God for your job. That’s not to say that every job is great; it’s simply to say that God graces us with employment. When you no longer are grateful to Him, you probably need to step away for a day or two to get refocused.

3 Reasons Why Your Volunteers Quit

By Doug Franklin

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Doug Franklin gives three reasons why volunteers leave.

Year in and year out we are looking for quality volunteers. We get excited when a couple who loves students joins our team and we hate it when volunteers leave the ministry. So why do volunteers leave youth ministry? They often leave for the following reasons:
1. Connection
Youth staff leave when they don’t have a personal connection to the leader. This is why its so important for us in leadership to minister to the volunteers. We can’t just think of them as worker bees. Not only should we be friends with our volunteers, I think it’s important to help them grow spiritually. They are pouring their lives into students so it makes sense that we should pour our lives into theirs.
2. Misunderstood Mission
Adult volunteers who think their job is to enforce the rules don’t understand the mission of the youth ministry. They think we are not doing our jobs when students are able to “do whatever they want” so they become frustrated they are the only ones enforcing the rules.  Be sure to make the mission of youth ministry clear; train and equip your volunteers to love students, care for their needs and to challenge them to obey God’s word.
3. Serving The Wrong Person
I love to ask volunteer, “who do you serve?” The answer is always interesting. I often hear, “I am here to serve the youth pastor.” I ask that same questions of youth workers and they think the volunteers are there to serve the students. Big disconnect. We have to help our volunteers understand we want them to build relationships with students that will lead to changed lives. We can get frustrated with volunteers when they never talk with students or never ask students any questions. That frustration is obvious and the volunteers think they have done something wrong. So they work harder to serve you and you become more frustrated. Soon we all dislike each other. Be clear with your adults about your expectations. Train them on how to build relationships. When you’re on the same page, your adult volunteers will stay.

5 Reasons Children Should Be in the Main Service Regularly

By Tamera Kraft

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Imagine the culture shock of a child who has been in church all of his life but has never been in the main service.

I am an advocator of children’s church. I always have been. It is important to have children’s services that appeal to their age group for a variety of reasons. That being said, there is a movement in many churches today to always have children separated from adults. Although children should have a children’s church where they can learn and worship God, they also need to regularly be in the main service with the rest of the church body.
What regularly means will vary from church to church. In the churches where I was on staff, it meant once a month and always in special services. Other churches, because of the complications involved, may elect to do it once a quarter. I don’t think it should ever be less than once a quarter.
Here are five reasons I believe children should regularly be in the main service:
Children should not be removed from the main body for convenience sake. This is one reason churches remove children. They want a professional church service where adults can enjoy the worship without being disrupted by noisy children. This sounds good, but the Book of Acts never talks about having a professional service nor does the Bible talk about meeting our own selfish needs during church, but it does talk about children not being pushed aside.
Matthew 19:14—Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Children are a part of the Body of Christ. There is nowhere in the Bible where it says children are a separate body. They are an important part of the church and shouldn’t always be excluded when the church meets.
During the Feast of Tabernacles, all of Israel would come before the Lord to hear the reading of the Law so that the children would hear it and learn to fear the Lord. In Paul’s letters to the Ephesians, he gave instructions directly to the children to obey their parents. He considered them a part of the church that he was writing to.
Children need godly examples of how to worship. If children never see adults in the main service worshipping, they won’t know how to worship or what is expected of them.
Children need to feel like they are a part of the church community. If children are always separated from the body of Christ, they will never feel like they are a part of the church community. And the members of the church will never get to know the children and be an example to them unless they work in children’s ministry.
Children who don’t feel like a part of the church community will leave church when they’re older. Imagine the culture shock of a child who has been in church all of his life but has never been in the main service. He has played games every Sunday, sang active songs, and had every message or Bible story illustrated with a skit, object lesson or interactive device.
Suddenly the child turns 10 or 12, or in some cases, 18 years old. He has graduated to big church. The music is strange. There are no games, skits or illustrations, only some guy he’s never met preaching for a half hour or longer. He doesn’t know any of the people. And there’s no candy.
Get the picture? That’s what happens to a child who is never in the main service. Within a few months, maybe even a few weeks, he decides he doesn’t want to be there. If his parents make him stay, he’ll leave as soon as he turns 18. If not, he’ll leave sooner.
He’ll look for a church that entertains him and isn’t boring. If he doesn’t find one, he’ll drop out of church. This may be why so many young people are no longer attending church. They never were a part of the church.  

The Most Essential Life Skill: Teachability

By David Murray

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“There’s one characteristic that separates the successful from the unsuccessful in every walk of life: teachability.”

There’s one characteristic that separates the successful from the unsuccessful in every walk of life: teachability.
Those who are teachable, and remain so, usually succeed. The unteachable usually fail. I’ve seen that in business, I’ve seen it in the ministry, I’ve seen it among students, and I’ve seen it in my children.
No matter how much talent and gifting we have, if we are, or become, unteachable, we will never reach anywhere near our full potential in our careers, our callings or our relationships.
The Distinguishing Difference
Think of all the successful people you know—what is it that distinguishes them all? It’s teachability, isn’t it? Think of all the people you know that never really made the most of the gifts and opportunities God gave them. Unteachability is the common thread, isn’t it?
If there’s one thing I want to to teach my children and students, it’s teachability.
When I speak to young people or students, I can usually tell quite quickly the ones who will do well in their lives and callings … and those who won’t. Teachability makes the difference.
Teachability gets people to the top. But if you lose teachability at the top, you won’t be at the top for long.
So what does unteachabilty look like?
• Doesn’t take notes, read books or learn anything unless it’s the bare minimum or what’s essential for exam purposes.
• Doesn’t ask questions or attempt anything that might reveal ignorance or risk looking stupid.
• Doesn’t accept responsibility for failures but blames anyone and everyone else.
• Doesn’t seek or accept one-to-one personal guidance or mentoring from parents, teachers, pastors, elders, etc.
• Doesn’t listen, but talks, talks, talks about self, especially when with someone you could learn a lot from.
• Doesn’t take criticism or correction without resentment or retaliation.
• Resists moving out of personal comfort zones in work, study, ministry or relationships, but always looks for the easy and familiar route.
• Doesn’t read, listen to or learn anything that challenges existing presuppositions, practices and prejudices.

In contrast, teachability means:
• You’re aware of the limitations of your own knowledge and abilities.
• You admit limitation, inability and ignorance to others who can teach and help.
• You regularly ask for help, instruction, guidance and advice (before the event, not after disaster strikes).
• You learn from anyone and everyone you can (the best educated pastor I know writes notes for his own benefit even when listening to a novice preacher).
• You listen to others carefully and patiently with a desire to learn from everyone.
• You’re prepared to move out of your comfort zone, try something different, make mistakes, look stupid, answer wrongly, etc.
• You don’t give up when you fail at something, but seek help, and try again and again until you get it right.
• You’re willing to change your views and practices when convincing evidence is presented to you, even if it means admitting you were wrong.
There’s another word for teachability.
Humility.  

Leadership, Prophecy and Criticism

By Shawn Lovejoy

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“God is still looking for men and women who will listen to Him and speak for Him.”

In the Old Testament, every time God wanted to do something significant, He would raise up a prophet. Today, God is still looking for men and women who will listen to Him and speak for Him. Would you love to speak for God? Lead spiritual movements? Catalyze people toward God’s mission? For that to be the case, you and I must embrace the requirements that come with being a prophet. Prophets have a few key characteristics.

Prophets get their vision from God.

Prophets never define the vision for themselves. God doesn’t promise to put His stamp of approval on our agenda. Prophets must get the vision from God. The word vision in the Bible is actually translated revelation. Vision is something revealed to us by God! We don’t get our vision from a conference or another church or organization. True prophets spend time alone with God enough to receive a fresh vision only God can give. If we want to be the type of prophet God uses in these last days, we have to be still enough for long enough to know what God is saying. We must accept that we do not invent or strategically shape the vision. We get our vision from Him!

Prophets challenge the status quo.

A true prophet is bold enough to go against the grain. When we communicate a fresh vision that challenges the status quo, some will disagree with us. No prophet has ever gotten 100 percent support from everyone. Jesus couldn’t even get 100 percent support! He even had one guy who was kissing him on the cheek while stabbing him in the back! Why would we think that our leadership would be different?

Prophets embrace criticism and loss.

If you begin challenging the status quo, it won’t be long until you are approached by a group that wants to “meet and talk about some things.” This was the case with Nehemiah.
“When word came to Sanballat, Tobiah, Geshem the Arab and the rest of our enemies that I had rebuilt the wall … Sanballat and Geshem sent me this message: ‘Come, let us meet together in one of the villages on the plain of Ono.’ But they were scheming to harm me” (Nehemiah 6:1-2 [NIV]).
Nehemiah reminds us that every prophet has had critics and criticisms. How do we respond to critics and criticism in our leadership? Just like Nehemiah did. First, we shouldn’t spend too much time listening to them. Nehemiah said:
“I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?” Four times they sent me the same message, and each time I gave them the same answer” (Nehemiah 6:3-4 [NIV]).

Nehemiah basically says, “No, I don’t have time to hang out with my critics. I am on a mission here, and I can’t slow down just because a few don’t agree.”
Don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying we should be unteachable or uncoachable. I’m not saying that we should avoid critique. Critiques come from people who love us, believe in us and believe in the mission we are on. Critiques seek to strengthen the mission and make me a better leader. Criticism, however, has a an alternate agenda. Criticism undermines the mission and my leadership. Taking a cue from Nehemiah, critics no longer get our ear!

Prophets live to please the right audience.

Does it hurt when we are criticized? You bet. However, prophets always make a decision. Moses made his decision by a burning bush. Jesus made his decision in a desert. Jonah made his in the belly of a whale. Paul made his on the road to Damascus. Each of these leaders made the decision to live to please the right audience. Two thousand years later, we must do the same when we take our offices, stages, platforms and pulpits every weekend. We must make a conscious choice: Which audience will I seek to please today? The apostle Paul said:
“Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant” (Galatians 1:10 [NLT]).
Today, God is looking for people who will answer the call to become his prophets. If you’re willing to answer that call, you could be one of those people that’s written about a long time from now. More importantly, God will remember you. 

8 Signs You Are a Discipleship Bully

By Derek Brown

Provided by

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“But bullies aren’t only found on grade school or high school playgrounds; they can be found in churches as well …”

No one likes a bully. Most of us recoil when we encounter a person who preys on the weak and uses verbal and physical abuse to display his superiority. But bullies aren’t only found on grade school or high school playgrounds; they can be found in churches as well, particularly in discipleship relationships.
This kind of bullying, however, does not need to express itself in verbal or physical abuse. It can manifest itself in a subtle form of spiritual tyranny where the teacher, by virtue of his position and self-perceived knowledge, tends to overwhelm and micromanage his disciple. Sadly, when these kinds of discipleship scenarios progress unchecked, both parties—the discipler and the one being discipled—will find their spiritual life stunted and their relationship with one another in serious jeopardy.
What about you? Are you a discipleship bully? Am I? How can we know if we have become or are on the path to becoming a discipleship bully? I will suggest eight signs.
1. You are easily annoyed by the person you are discipling.
A sure sign that you are straddling the line between helpful teacher and overbearing micromanager is that you’re constantly annoyed and frustrated by the person you are discipling. If his slowness to grasp biblical truth, his predicable failures to follow through on his promises, and his lack of personal discipline all draw your self-righteous indignation and prompt you to thank God that you were never that immature, look out: You are growing into an unbearable discipleship bully.
2. You are unable or unwilling to learn from the person you are discipling.
If you resist learning from your disciple’s passion for Christ, his insight into Scripture or his knowledge of the human condition, then you are probably displaying the early character qualities of a discipleship bully. Granted, discipleship by definition requires that a student is learning from a teacher, so there will always be an asymmetrical structure to the relationship. The teacher must be able to say, at some level, “Imitate me as I imitate Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1). But the wise man is willing to learn from anyone (Prov. 9:8-9), and it is nothing but pride that tempts us to think we cannot learn from those who are younger or less mature than we are. When discipling new Christians, for example, we can often learn much by their childlike trust in God’s Word and their newfound passion for evangelism. Recently, I received helpful insights from a younger brother about how I could improve our college ministry.
3. You are unwilling to admit when you have been wrong. 
None of us is infallible, so none of us can interpret Scripture perfectly or apply biblical truth to every situation without making a mistake. Usually, it’s not the occasional bad advice that will rupture a discipleship relationship but the teacher’s unwillingness to admit he gave bad advice. If good leaders are those who make good second decisions, then good disciplers are those who give good second counsel. Be on guard! If in your desire to protect your godly image you struggle to admit to the one you are discipling that you were wrong, you are showing signs of early-onset discipleship bullying.

4. You do most of the talking and little listening. 
A good teacher not only knows what to teach, he also knows how to teach it. And knowing how to best apply the truth to your disciple will require that you understand him and his current situation (see Prov. 20:5). But if you are in the discipleship business because you like to hear yourself talk, then it is unlikely that you will do much listening (see Prov. 18:2). You will probably drone on and on about your opinions and your insights, but much of it will never land because you never took the time to get to know your disciple.
5. You become personally offended when a disciple does not follow your counsel.
Rather than grieving that the disciple refused to believe and obey God’s Word, you take the dismissal as a rejection of your own wisdom and insight. You might even feel slightly surprised that he did not follow your counsel because it was, well, so good. Beware! Your offense reveals that you might be more interested in transforming this disciple into your image than into the image of Christ.
6. You will often push your preferences just as much if not more than biblical principles. 
In our discipleship relationships, we should desire our brothers and sisters to obey Scripture and walk in obedience to Christ. Indeed, we aim in discipleship to teach others to obey everything that Jesus commanded (Matt. 28:18-20). But as we disciple others, we must be careful that we are urging conformity to biblical instruction, not to our own preferences. If personal preference dominates the content of our counsel, it is likely that we are seeking our own glory (John 7:18) and growing into a discipleship bully.
7. You refuse to make any helpful provisions for your disciple.
Again, it is true that the structure of the discipleship relationship will be asymmetrical where the discipler will set most of the terms of the meetings. Where will you meet? How long? What will you talk about? But Christ shows us that the leader is also a servant (Mark 10:42-45; John 13:1-17), and if you are unwilling to make sacrifices that would be beneficial to the disciple, you are not walking in love; you are walking like a self-centered, uncaring, discipleship bully.
8. You fear that the disciple might become more godly and spiritually competent than you are. 
Is your hope that this young man or woman surpass you in spiritual maturity and biblical competence? Why not? Is it because you cherish your spiritual superiority and can’t fathom the thought of this young disciple—currently immature, unwise, unlearned, unskilled—growing into a godliness that rivals your own? If so, you are well on your way to becoming a discipleship bully.
The danger of becoming a discipleship bully is real, for we are all sinners and prone to pride, self-exaltation and the temptation to lord our maturity or position over others. But by God’s grace we can all grow into humble teachers who care only for the good of those we disciple. May grace prevail in all our discipleship relationships.  

8 Reasons Some Church Members Are Mean

By Chuck Lawless

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“Church members are mean because the church allows them to be that way.”

To be honest, I’ve been blessed. In all the churches where I’ve served as pastor or interim pastor, most of my members have been great people. Sometimes, though, a church member can be downright mean. Based on our Lawless Group interviews and surveys over the years, here are some of the reasons church members can be mean:
1. All church members are still people. That’s not an excuse for meanness, though; it’s just an admission of reality. Even saved people sometimes act like sinners when the right button gets pushed.
2. Some are nonbelievers. Even Jesus had one in His immediate group of 12 who was never a believer, and I doubt our churches will do better than Jesus did. Lost people will always act like lost people eventually—even when they don’t think they’re lost.
3. Many are undiscipled. Too many churches bring people into the local congregation, but then do nothing to disciple them. The new believers remain babies in Christ, even when they’ve been in the church for years. Usually, they whine a lot.
4. Some are carrying burdens alone. Often, we don’t know what burdens others bear because we choose to carry our own pain alone. The father who can’t find a job … the parents whose child has been arrested … the teen whose parents have just split up … the faithful member who is being abused … sometimes the anguish of life weighs so heavy on us that our tempers are short and our words are volatile.
5. Some were given authority far too early. When our churches give positions to those who haven’t yet grown (and many churches do that, granting positions on the basis of years in the church rather than on maturity in the faith), we shouldn’t be surprised when they fight to protect their toys. That’s what kids do.
6. Some are living in sin. For anyone who is a true believer, the conviction of sin cuts deeply—but that doesn’t always result in immediate repentance. Church members who remain in their sin for any length of time sometimes turn their conviction on others. Judging somebody else at least briefly turns their attention from their own sin.

7. Some have anger issues. Maybe you know people like that. They’re great one minute, but they erupt like a volcano the next. They’re often quickly repentant, too, but they get no help in breaking the pattern.
8. The church lets them be mean. At the bottom line, church members are mean because the church allows them to be that way. For whatever reason—perhaps it’s fear of losing members—churches sometimes refuse to confront members who need to repent of their rudeness and unkindness. Instead, we simply let them live in their sin. The choice to avoid confrontation is unChristian. In fact, you might even say it’s mean.
What other reasons would you add?  

Who Do You Hang Out With?

By Micah Fries

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“Disciples aren’t made in crowds; they’re made in community.”

Remember how moms, for years, have been saying, “You are the company you keep”? I get their point, but I think, while that has some merit, there is a missional impulse that calls us to invest in and help influence gospel change in others—rather than just be the object of their influence. The problem is, too often, as church planters, pastors and leaders, we think of our responsibility to influence and change others in almost exclusively corporate terms. In other words, “How do I influence the church?” I would push back and encourage you to think about multiplication through a personal, rather than corporate, lens.
In other words, “How can I influence one person to be a disciple?” In fact, I think disciple making is most effective when one disciple helps disciple another, who helps disciple another, and so on. It’s arguable that this never happens in a large group format. Disciples aren’t made in crowds; they’re made in community.
So what does that have to do with the kind of people we, as leaders, hang out with? If we are going to personally make disciples, then we need a strategy for making those disciples. And if we are going to have a strategy for making disciples, it probably ought to look like Jesus’ strategy. When I look at Jesus’ life and ministry, I notice that he persistently spent his time with two often-overlapping groups of people; those with leadership potential and the marginalized. He didn’t necessarily pick people who were in significant leadership positions; he chose men and women who had the potential to be strong leaders and he invested his time with them. What’s more, his ministry was marked by a commitment to marginalized people. This is why I love the gospel of Luke so much. No other gospel consistently displays Jesus’ intimate love for people who were segmented on the fringes of culture—and marginalized by cultural norms of their day.

If we are going to personally make disciples then we need a strategy for making those disciples.

With that in mind, I think every leader who wants to lead like Jesus has an obligation to invest in people who fit in both of those categories.

Those With Leadership Potential

Luke 11:31-32, “Simon, Simon, look out! Satan has asked to sift you like wheat. But I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And you, when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”

All leaders lead. Good leaders develop. Great leaders deploy. This is a mantra that I have believed for quite a while. Unfortunately we have measured leadership based on one’s ability to effectively accomplish tasks. This definition needs to be rewritten. The top of the leadership spectrum belongs to those who can find people who may even be undervalued, but who have leadership potential.
Great leaders help those people achieve that potential. The greatest legacy for a leader is not what they do, but who they develop. Throughout my ministry I have tried to identify two to three people who have the capacity to grow as leaders, and spend time with them, investing in them, hoping to leave a legacy of leadership behind me. To do this requires a reorientation of our expectations for ourselves to the degree that we reshape job descriptions, schedules and performance goals around this commitment. As I have worked to invest in others around me I have learned that the content of our time together is less important than our actual time together. In other words, learning by experience in the context of life situations is a significantly better teacher than mere outline and syllabus.
We see this in Jesus’ own life. While each of the 12 disciples, apart from Judas, are good examples of Jesus developing leadership potential in a bunch of formerly rag-tag followers, the story of Peter, in particular, stands out. From this overly zealous, act-first, think-later sort of fellow, Jesus molded him into the leader of the early church. The Peter we see in Acts 2, as he preaches and 3,000 people begin to follow him, is shockingly different from the pitiful Peter that we see just a few short days earlier, cursing the little girl in the courtyard and denying Jesus on the night he was most needed by his friend. Jesus developed leaders.

Those Who Are Marginalized

Matthew 11:19: The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Look, a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’
Beyond just developing leaders, however, Jesus invested in, believed in and gave value to marginalized people. In a way I think this is even more important than raising up leaders because a commitment to the marginalized is a distinctly Christian commitment. It should matter to Christian leaders that we raise up leaders, but non-Christians also understand the importance of raising up leaders. Loving, investing in and giving voice to marginalized people is not exactly the most popular pattern for the average person, but it ought to be a priority for the average Christian, and particularly for Christian leaders.
Consider Jesus’ track record. Women? Samaritans? Children? Sinners? Diseased? Poor? I could go on and on with the list. Each of these groups were undervalued, and even dismissed, in the context that Jesus found himself in. Jesus was committed to each of these groups of people, and took apart popular perceptions that diminished their value. Most of these people couldn’t give anything of great value to Jesus. In other words, his commitment to them wasn’t an effort to engender some sort of quid pro quo relationship.

Disciples aren’t made in crowds; they’re made in community.

Who in your community is most marginalized? Most often located on the fringes of acceptable society? Most beaten down and dismissed? I am convinced that you ought to make it a practice to identify them, and to make real, genuine friendship/relationship with them a priority. What’s more, we shouldn’t do this just to “win them to Christ.” Of course we want them to believe in Christ, but we can’t dangle friendship like a carrot—or a spiritual bait-and-switch, using it to get close so that we can really get to what we want to get to with them. Instead we need to invest in marginalized people because Christ values them. In each of them is the Imago Dei, and when society says they are worth little, a genuinely Christian response is to hold them up as an example to the world that they are deeply valued and loved. Our behavior among them should be the same as if Jesus himself was among them. We want to model for them what it looks like when King Jesus shows up and sets the world right.
So, let’s get back to our original question. Who do you hang out with? Who are your friends? Who do you care most deeply for, and extend yourself most often on behalf of? If we want to be with Jesus, I think we will find others that can be developed as leaders, and we will give our team, energy and affection to marginalized people. It might just be that God will honor that, just as he honored it when Jesus did so.  

Entertainment Fatigue—Are People Tired of the Church’s Glitzy Stage?

By Jeff Clarke

• Print Version

“We as the church will always lose our way when anything other than Jesus captures our attention.”

When a local church creates a culture of entertainment in an attempt to build a congregation, it will only be a matter of time before they begin to experience the negative consequences that emphasis will bring.
Over the past number of years, I have observed that when a church centers their congregational structure on an entertainment model of ministry, where the Sunday morning service is organized in much the same way as a concert would be—including set lists, lighting design and stage presentation—the consistent result has been the creation of an ethos of entertainment that eventually permeates throughout the entire congregation.
The consequence of creating an entertainment-based church culture is that ministry practitioners are often seen to be the stars of the show, while those in the seats tend to view themselves as paying customers, waiting to be entertained. Yet, as Cheryl Bridges Johns said recently,“Those big stages and flashy lights have a way of honoring the wrong presence.”
An entertainment-based church culture sees its ministry practitioners as the stars of the show.
What will inevitably happen over time is that people will start to determine their attendance on the quality of the production, on what songs are chosen and how those in leadership make them feel, resulting in the cultivation of a consumerist-based mindset. However, as Alan Hirsch has so aptly observed, “you cannot build a church on consumers.”

The Effects of a Culture of Entertainment

When our church gatherings focus on how we can entertain the masses in order to create and maintain high attendance numbers, we know we have veered off course.
When a church’s operating budget is consumed with the costs associated with trying to entertain the masses, we can be confident in saying we have missed the mark.
Living on a diet of entertainment is like feeding on candy—it may satisfy our sweet tooth, but we will soon become hungry for something more. A consistent diet of candy may taste good for a while, but will quickly lead to malnourishment. Over time, we will become pale, weak and unable to contribute.
Likewise, when we feed the church a consistent diet of entertainment, those feasting on our Christianized-candy will eventually become malnourished, weak and unable to contribute to the life of the body. As a result, their presence will add pressure on the remaining parts of the body because sugar-fed Christians always require more time and resources than well-fed Christians ever will.

When we as the church attempt to feed the entertainment bug planted in all of us by culture, we will only perpetuate, and not treat, the epidemic. How do we treat entertainment fatigue? By re-centering our gatherings on the person, life, teachings and witness of Jesus. When we follow and feast on Jesus we will gradually move away from the need to ‘be served’ and look for ways ‘to serve.’

Cultivating a Church Culture Centered on Jesus

Jesus makes faith real and alive. He moves faith beyond the abstract into the realness of flesh and blood. Jesus makes the invisible God human and approachable. Jesus makes the picture of a distant God into a God who is near. Jesus makes God human—someone who can identify with all of our insecurities, pain and loss. God is no longer distant, but close. God is no longer ‘out there’ but ‘right here.’ In Jesus, God became one of us.
We as the church will always lose our way when anything other than Jesus captures our attention. If anything usurps the central, defining place of Jesus, everything will slowly begin to unravel, sometimes without us even realizing it.
In a recent interview, Leonard Sweet said it this way,
There is only one singularity that matters and if this singularity is in place everything else coheres. And that singularity is Christ. In everyone’s life, in the life of the church, when Christ is made the single, supreme focus—when the person of Jesus himself becomes that supreme, singular focus—then everything comes together.
What we need in order to maintain a healthy body, individually and collectively, is to feast on a steady diet of Jesus—his body in the bread and his blood in the wine.
When the sacraments of Jesus, served within community, by community and for community, in the form of prayer, scripture reading, communion and baptism, become the food that feeds the church, then and only then will “we grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ” (Ephesians 4:15).
In communion, followers of Jesus partake and share with one another the body and blood of Jesus. They are formed by the sacrament of prayer, baptized into his death, raised in newness of life and delight in eating the bread of scripture, while serving one other in an attitude of humility.
I’m weary of being entertained. The church was never called to be an entertainment complex, but a hospital, where we look for ways to serve one another’s needs, as we also serve those around us with the medicine of Jesus Christ—the healer.
Are people growing tired of the church’s glitzy stage? I believe so.  

Dolmio Australia – “Stop Letting Technology Hack Your Family Time”

Free Graphics Package: “Target(s)”

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Download this graphics package to use in your youth ministry.

Free Graphics Package

Download this graphics package to use in your youth ministry.
You could use these graphics to support a series on setting godly goals.

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Resource provided by CreationSwap

The #1 Lesson of Relationship-Building

by Jesse Jackson

• Print Version

This common thing is easy to overlook. But don’t miss it.

There is one skill, one ability, one task that every leader needs to learn.
Especially if you’re in the people business.
If you’re a pastor, a teacher or speaker this lesson and skill is of great importance.

Learn and Remember Names

It is so incredibly important! Why?
1. It honors people.
2. It shows them you care.
3. It keeps your mind and your heart in people mode.

Simple Ways to Remember Names

1. Put some effort into it. So many people don’t even try. “Oh, I’m not a name guy.” Or … “I don’t have that gift.” I agree that not everyone has the gift, but everyone can learn some names.
2. Really try and really care. If you tell yourself it’s important, it will be important.
3. Look them in the eye and say their name back to them. This is the first and easiest step. Either shake their hand or make an effort to look them in the eye and say their name back to them.
4. Try to associate something or someone with them. This gets a little tricky, but do your best to think of an image or something you can help remind your brain.
5.  Work at it! Don’t stop. Keep trying.

6 Tips for Better Lesson Illustrations

By Aaron Helman

• Print Version

How to make sure you’re reaching your audience with your speaking illustrations.

Whenever someone asks me what they can do to become a better speaker …
… I start by telling them to work harder to develop excellent message illustrations.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve got technically perfect delivery, voice control, nonverbal skills and killer comedic timing.
If your illustrations don’t clearly and concisely connect one idea to another, your talk will fall flat.
At the same time, I’ve seen plenty of “technically deficient” speakers bring an awesome message on the strength of one unforgettable illustration.
Want to become a better speaker? Start by following these rules toward generating better message illustrations.
Before we get started, let me tell you where these rules came from. I’ve analyzed and torn apart more than 100 different talks I’ve given in my career. I’ve also done the same thing for other talks that I’ve seen.
Lastly, I’ve tried to study the illustrations that Jesus used throughout the Gospels. I’m convinced that in addition to everything else, Jesus was a Master Illustrator, and you’ll see some of that in this list.
So grab a piece of paper and a pen, and let’s get started.
1. Illustrations should be immediately recognizable to your crowd.
A while back, a youth speaker at my church shared an illustration about his favorite basketball player, Pistol Pete Maravich. Hardcore (or older) basketball fans will know that name, but Maravich retired from the NBA in 1980, 15 years before any of my students was even born.
The problem with this illustration was that in order for students to understand it, the speaker first had to spend a full eight minutes explaining who Maravich was.
Throughout the Gospels, Jesus shares bundles of farming illustrations because that was the idea that was most well-known to the most people in His context. They may have struggled to understand why Jesus was talking about a mustard seed, but they knew intimately what a mustard seed was.
It was a sad day when I retired the illustration about Michael Jordan’s “Flu Game” in 1997, but when it hit me that almost none of my students were alive when it happened and that most of them (incorrectly) thought LeBron James was the greatest basketball player of all time, I realized I didn’t have a choice.
I couldn’t help them understand the idea of Spiritual Endurance by relaying a story they didn’t know, hadn’t seen and didn’t care about.
Same thing goes for older movies and TV shows. It’s probably not worth explaining something they don’t understand to help them understand something else they don’t understand.

2. Illustrations should be unexpected.
If students can see exactly how your message is going to end because your story or illustration is so obvious, they’ll start to check out. It will feel cliche and tired.
You want them to inaudibly wonder where the heck you’re going with this thing you’re talking about. Then, when you make your point, things will become clear to them alarmingly suddenly.
It might seem like comparing Spiritual Endurance to training for a marathon is a simple and effective tool, but unless you’ve got some compelling marathon experience, the illustration won’t be different from something they’ve heard before.
One of the best illustrations I ever heard was a guy detailing how much he hates going to the dentist. He did it because despite the fact that it was unpleasant, he knew it was best for him. And if he could endure the dentist’s chair for 45 minutes, he could sit down and read the Bible even if he didn’t feel like it at the time.
It was a winning illustration because students already knew what a trip to the dentist was like, they were drawn in to his dental horror story without yet knowing where it was going, and when it was connected, it suddenly made a bunch of sense.
3. Illustrations should NOT glorify poor behavior or choices.
A lot of illustrations take the form of a hilarious story, and a lot of hilarious stories come from poor choices that we don’t want students to emulate.
A youth pastor told a story about the time he ran from the cops after TP-ing a neighbor’s house. I don’t remember what the illustration was supposed to be, and neither did most of the students. They just remembered laughing at the funny story about vandalism and resisting arrest.
Step back from your illustration for a minute and ask yourself, “If all they remembered was my story and not its relation to Scripture, would we be in trouble?”
In the case of the fugitive youth pastor, yes.
In the case of the mustard seed, no harm done.
A similar idea applies to stories that feature athletes or celebrities. Be careful not to tacitly endorse something you wouldn’t want to.
4. Illustrations should be visible, or better yet, tangible.
Show students that mustard seed. Even better, give them a mustard seed. If your students have something they can hang on to, your illustration will be that much stickier.
I recognize that this is not always possible. In the case of a truly compelling story, you might not need anything else. But if your illustration is about something that is otherwise mundane, consider spicing it up with a great visual or handout.
5. Illustrations shouldn’t be fully explained.
You want to give your students something to chew on, not something you’ve already chewed up for them. Look at the illustrations of Jesus in the Bible. Some of them are vague enough that theologians are still debating their meaning today.
This is actually a very good thing. An illustration that leaves us thinking is more impactful than one we totally understand but immediately forget.

If you run small groups as a part of your ministry, you’ll be stealing some truly great discussion from your leaders if you do them the disservice of fully dissecting your illustration.
6. Illustrations should start with Scripture, NOT your story.
This is the biggest mistake I see youth pastors make. Something funny or interesting or inconvenient happens to them, and they immediately start wondering, “How I can weave this into a message?”
But that’s totally backwards. Don’t try to figure out how you can make your awkward encounter with the mailman a part of the Bible. Start by asking yourself how you can best explain Scripture.
When you start with your own funny story, you’ll usually end up with a hilarious message that failed to really connect to or explain the truth of Scripture. Which is great if your primary goal is to be an entertainer. But it’s not great if your primary goal is communicating Truth.
What did I miss? Anything you would strike from the list?